We’ve all been there.
Sitting across from someone who asks “How are you?” and automatically responding “I’m fine” when inside, everything feels like it’s falling apart.
For years, I perfected this dance of pretending, especially during my twenties when anxiety became my constant companion.
I’d smile through meetings, laugh at parties, and tell everyone I was doing great while my chest felt tight and my thoughts raced endlessly.
It wasn’t until a panic attack hit me at twenty-seven, right in the middle of a deadline crunch, that I realized something had to give.
The facade was cracking, and certain phrases started slipping out despite my best efforts to maintain the illusion.
Looking back, these were actually cries for help disguised as casual conversation.
If you’ve been noticing these phrases coming from your own mouth or hearing them from people you care about, pay attention.
They might signal that someone is exhausted from keeping up appearances.
1) “I just need to get through this week”
This phrase became my mantra during the worst of my burnout.
Every Sunday night, I’d tell myself if I could just survive until Friday, everything would magically improve.
But Friday would come, and I’d spend the weekend dreading Monday, only to repeat the cycle.
When someone constantly talks about “getting through” time rather than living it, they’re often in survival mode.
They’re not thriving or enjoying life; they’re enduring it.
The problem is that there’s always another week, another month, another deadline to get through.
Life becomes an endless series of obstacles to overcome rather than experiences to embrace.
2) “I’m just tired”
Remember when being tired meant you needed a good night’s sleep?
Now, when people say they’re tired, it often runs much deeper.
They’re emotionally exhausted, mentally drained, and spiritually depleted.
I used this phrase constantly because it felt safer than admitting I was struggling with anxiety or that my “push through” mentality was actually internalized burnout culture.
“Tired” became my catch-all explanation for why I couldn’t engage, why I seemed distant, why I wasn’t myself.
It’s socially acceptable to be tired, but admitting you’re falling apart? That feels too vulnerable.
3) “It is what it is”
Have you noticed how often people use this phrase when they’ve given up trying to change something that’s clearly bothering them?
It sounds philosophical, almost zen-like, but often it’s resignation dressed up as acceptance.
A friend once told me she kept saying this about her toxic work environment.
Every complaint, every frustration ended with “Well, it is what it is.”
She wasn’t accepting the situation from a place of peace; she was too exhausted to fight for something better.
This phrase can be a white flag of surrender when someone no longer has the energy to advocate for themselves.
4) “I don’t even know anymore”
This phrase started creeping into my vocabulary when the fog of burnout became so thick I couldn’t see clearly.
Someone would ask what I wanted for dinner, how I felt about a project, or what my weekend plans were, and I’d respond with this because I genuinely couldn’t access my own preferences anymore.
When you’re constantly suppressing your true feelings to appear okay, you can lose touch with what you actually think and feel.
It’s like your internal compass stops working.
The energy required to maintain the facade leaves nothing left for genuine self-reflection.
5) “Sorry, I’ve been really busy”
Busyness became my shield.
Whenever someone noticed I seemed off or questioned why I’d been distant, this was my go-to response.
It’s the perfect excuse because our culture glorifies being busy.
No one questions it.
But often, people aren’t actually busier than usual.
They’re using tasks and obligations to avoid dealing with their emotions or having real conversations about their struggles.
They fill every moment with activity because stillness would mean confronting the feelings they’re trying to outrun.
6) “I’m fine, really”
The addition of “really” is the tell.
When someone genuinely feels fine, they don’t need to emphasize it.
This phrase usually comes after someone has expressed concern, and it’s meant to shut down further inquiry.
Three years ago, after my grandmother passed away, I must have said this a thousand times.
She’d been my biggest supporter, and losing her left a hole I didn’t know how to talk about.
So I insisted I was fine, really, because opening up about the grief felt like it might swallow me whole.
The “really” was my attempt to convince both the other person and myself.
7) “Whatever happens, happens”
This sounds like someone embracing uncertainty with grace, but it can also indicate someone has lost their sense of agency.
When you’re exhausted from pretending, making decisions, or caring about outcomes requires energy you simply don’t have.
During my worst periods, I’d use this phrase about everything from career decisions to weekend plans.
It wasn’t that I’d achieved some enlightened state of non-attachment.
I was too depleted to engage with life actively.
When you’re using all your energy to maintain a facade, there’s nothing left for actually steering your life’s direction.
8) “I should probably get going”
Watch for this one at social gatherings.
When someone repeatedly uses this phrase but doesn’t actually leave, or when they use it to exit conversations that are becoming too real, it’s often because being around others while pretending to be okay is exhausting.
I became the queen of the Irish goodbye during my struggles.
Being present with people meant risking that my mask might slip, that someone might see through my “everything’s great” performance.
Leaving early or avoiding deeper conversations felt safer than risking exposure.
Final thoughts
Recognizing these phrases in ourselves or others isn’t about judgment.
It’s about awareness and compassion.
We live in a world that often demands we perform okayness even when we’re struggling.
But constantly pretending takes a toll.
If you’re hearing these phrases from someone you care about, don’t just accept them at face value.
Gently probe deeper.
And if you’re the one saying them, consider this your sign that it’s okay to drop the act.
The energy you’re using to maintain the facade could be redirected toward actual healing.
Trust me, admitting you’re not okay is terrifying, but it’s also the first step toward genuinely being okay again.