John: [00:03:44] From my recollection, I instructed her fairly early on, in all probability instantly after dental faculty. I instructed her that I used to be about $450,000 in debt, totaling from undergrad and dental faculty as properly, and that was about it. That was the primary time I instructed her.
Ramit Sethi: [00:04:05] What was her response once you instructed her that quantity?
John: [00:04:07] Her response, I keep in mind, was it was quite a bit simply because in comparison with hers, I felt like she had some assist from her household, which is superior. I love her mother quite a bit. So, her response was one in all shock.
Ramit Sethi: [00:04:22] Yesterday, proper earlier than this name, they stuffed out a questionnaire, the place they included their monetary particulars. Wendy didn’t know the way a lot debt they really had, and when she noticed the quantity, let’s simply say, she was shocked.
Wendy: [00:04:36] He was filling out the questionnaire. I believe that’s after I was like, oh, yeah, so how a lot is that quantity now? And I’m anticipating it to be means much less, as a result of we completed dental faculty 10-plus years. So then, after I heard the quantity get greater, and I used to be like, oh, no. So, I assume recently-
Ramit Sethi: [00:04:53] Yeah. What was your feeling once you heard that quantity increased than it was, not decrease?
Wendy: [00:05:02] Trepidation. Yeah, concern. It’s like I wish to cry like, oh, my God, how come it’s not getting any decrease?
Ramit Sethi: [00:05:12] Did you two speak about it once you heard that quantity?
Wendy: [00:05:17] Sort of. I believe he was identical to, it’s okay, it’s high-quality, it’ll be high-quality. He was simply form of like, it’ll be okay, Wendy. Prefer it’s my drawback. I’m going to handle it.
Ramit Sethi: [00:05:30] Discover that tactic, one accomplice telling the opposite, don’t fear about it, after which layering on, it’s my drawback, which isn’t very satisfying in a relationship with two individuals. While you hear that, how do you react to that?
Wendy: [00:05:47] It’s undoubtedly annoying.
Ramit Sethi: [00:05:50] What do you imply?
Wendy: [00:05:51] I’m on the aspect, saying like, I wish to make it easier to, like we’re a household, and he’s like, I’m this macho man, I can handle myself.
Ramit Sethi: [00:06:01] Plenty of males are raised with a deep perception that we’ve got to handle our household financially. And till not too long ago, that was very, quite common. That perception is so deep, it’s so invisible that I name it an invisible script.
Ramit Sethi: [00:06:15] Are you a macho man?
John: [00:06:17] No, I don’t think about myself to be a macho man. I felt prefer it was one thing that I selected to undertake. It was my duty. Even earlier than we obtained married, even earlier than we obtained engaged, I felt like that is my alternative, it’s my duty, so why would I knowingly have my spouse undertake that duty, too? As a result of she’s already paying her personal loans, and she or he’s virtually completed, proper? So, why within the hell would I wish to add much more onto her plate?