Add Silicon Canals to your Google News feed. 
Ever notice how some people have this almost magical ability to call at just the right moment? While others seem to have a knack for catching you mid-bite of a sandwich, during your favorite show’s climax, or right when you’re finally getting the baby to sleep?
The difference often comes down to five simple words: “Is now a good time?”
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, especially after a colleague mentioned how much she appreciated when people asked before launching into phone conversations. It got me wondering about the psychology behind this small but significant gesture.
Turns out, people who consistently ask this question before diving into calls aren’t just being polite. They’re demonstrating a sophisticated level of emotional intelligence that shows up in multiple areas of their lives.
Here are seven traits these emotionally intelligent individuals tend to share.
1) They recognize that everyone’s time has value
Have you ever been on the receiving end of a call that starts with someone immediately launching into their needs without any preamble? It can feel jarring, almost invasive.
People who ask “is now a good time?” understand something fundamental: your time matters as much as theirs. They don’t assume their urgency automatically becomes your priority.
This trait extends far beyond phone etiquette. These individuals typically respect deadlines, show up on time for meetings, and understand when to keep conversations brief. They’ve internalized that time is one of the few truly non-renewable resources we have.
I learned this lesson the hard way during my anxiety-riddled twenties. I used to call friends whenever I needed to talk, never considering what they might be dealing with. It wasn’t until someone gently pointed out that my crisis calls always seemed to come during their work hours that I realized how self-centered I’d been.
2) They’re naturally empathetic
What drives someone to pause and check in before proceeding? Usually, it’s an innate ability to put themselves in another person’s shoes.
These folks can imagine how it feels to be interrupted during deep work, family time, or much-needed rest. They understand that what seems like a quick five-minute call to them might derail someone else’s entire afternoon.
Research in psychology consistently shows that empathy is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence. People who demonstrate high empathy tend to build stronger relationships, navigate conflicts more effectively, and create psychologically safer environments for those around them.
They’re the ones who notice when you’re having a rough day, who remember to follow up after you mentioned a big presentation, and who instinctively lower their voice when walking past a sleeping baby.
3) They excel at reading social cues
“Can I call you back in ten minutes?” When someone says this, emotionally intelligent people hear more than just the words. They pick up on the stress in your voice, the background noise suggesting you’re not alone, or the hesitation that indicates now really isn’t ideal.
This ability to read between the lines serves them well in all aspects of communication. They notice when someone’s “fine” doesn’t mean fine, when enthusiasm feels forced, or when silence speaks volumes.
I’ve noticed this trait particularly in my relationship. My partner, who works in a completely different field from me, has this uncanny ability to sense when I need space to decompress after covering a heavy story versus when I need to talk things through. That sensitivity to unspoken cues makes all the difference.
4) They practice emotional regulation
Here’s something interesting: people who ask before calling rarely seem to be in full crisis mode when they do call. That’s not coincidence.
The act of pausing to ask permission requires emotional regulation. It means setting aside your immediate impulse to share, vent, or seek help in favor of considering the other person’s state of mind.
This same emotional regulation shows up when they receive criticism without becoming defensive, when they navigate disagreements without raising their voice, or when they can acknowledge their mistakes without spiraling into shame.
During my own journey with anxiety, especially after that panic attack at twenty-seven, I learned how powerful this pause can be. Taking a breath before acting on emotional impulses became a game-changer for both my mental health and my relationships.
5) They understand boundaries and respect them
Asking “is now a good time?” is essentially asking for consent to enter someone’s mental and temporal space. People who do this consistently tend to have healthy boundaries themselves and respect others’ boundaries too.
They’re comfortable saying no when they need to protect their own time and energy, and they accept others’ no’s without taking it personally. They understand that boundaries aren’t walls; they’re guidelines that help relationships thrive.
These are the friends who don’t get offended when you can’t make every social event, the colleagues who respect your lunch break, and the family members who understand that loving someone doesn’t mean being available 24/7.
6) They value quality over quantity in communication
Ever notice how the people who ask before calling tend to have more meaningful conversations when you do connect?
That’s because they approach communication intentionally. By ensuring both parties are ready to engage, they create space for genuine connection rather than distracted, half-hearted exchanges.
They’d rather have one focused, present conversation than three where someone’s multitasking. They know that true communication requires both parties to be mentally available, not just physically present.
7) They demonstrate self-awareness
Perhaps most importantly, people who regularly check in before calling possess strong self-awareness. They recognize that their communication style impacts others and take responsibility for that impact.
They’ve likely reflected on their own preferences and realized they appreciate when others extend this courtesy to them. This self-awareness extends to understanding their own emotional states, triggers, and patterns.
Through covering stories about leadership and human behavior, I’ve noticed that the most effective leaders share this trait. They know when they’re operating from a place of stress versus clarity, when their biases might be affecting their judgment, and when they need to step back and reassess.
Final thoughts
The simple act of asking “is now a good time?” before calling might seem like basic courtesy, but it’s actually a window into someone’s emotional intelligence. It reveals respect, empathy, self-awareness, and a dozen other qualities that make someone not just pleasant to interact with, but genuinely emotionally mature.
The beauty is that this is a skill anyone can develop. Start by pausing before your next call and sending a quick text first. Notice how it changes the dynamic of your conversations and how people respond to this small gesture of consideration.
After all, in our hyper-connected world where we’re constantly accessible, choosing to respect others’ time and mental space isn’t just polite. It’s a radical act of emotional intelligence.